Womb Grief Workbook ~ part 6 ... healing your shadow
I have done something wrong
I am unworthy to be a mother
I don't deserve love
I am not enough
I am a failure
It is common for many women in grief to look for the reason behind the loss; some women turn to themselves to blame, and some turn to God or the Universe. This exploration invites you to notice the beliefs and stories running through your head as an opportunity to shift where you are focusing your energy and notice what is motivating your experieince. In gifting a moment to reflect on how you might be masking your shame, guilt, anger, sadness etc, there is a possibility of shedding light on older wounds that co-exisist in times of pain. By taking a moment to look at our beliefs about us, what we have made this loss mean, and what shadow belief may co-exist, we are inviting compassion rather than struggle.
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Womb Grief Workbook Introduction
If you are new to the Womb Grief Workbook posts, these blogs aims to validate your dreams, You, and the unborn child. Womb grief is real, for every woman who has experienced a miscarriage, still birth, abortion, or infertility. What you have experienced is now part of your life story, it does not need to be hidden away with shame, it needs to be honored and tenderly nurtured. There is no time-line for grief, guilt or shame, there is no rush to ‘get over it’, or pretend nothing of it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is only love, compassion and honour. These blog posts are intended to support you in your grieving process, invite you to connect with your Spirit Baby and create space for love and healing.
This is a bold and confronting step, however, I invite you to journal these shadow voices as a way to give them light. Often the negative self talk goes unnoticed and festers deep within unseen and like an internal shadow. By taking the time to write them out on paper as they come up, you can begin to see where your heart remains in struggle and allow light to begin to dissolve the pain.
If the process feels too big, and or you find that you need further support in unpacking the shadow, be sure to follow up with professional support. Please only go as far as feels safe and loving in the fullness of this activity.
8. Exploring your shadow
The attacking thoughts
What stories about yourself are playing in your mind as the result of your womb grief?
Take a moment to explore any self attacking beliefs, stories, blame, guilt or shame present for you right now?
The feelings under these beliefs:
You may notice some feelings coming up, if so the next step is to write about the feelings that are underneath the attack, this might show up as sadness, empty, alone etc.
Finally, as you sit with your shadow, I would like to encourage you to imagine how a mentor, guardian, higher being or your higher self would counsel you here. What gentle words would they wish for you to hear? This is an invitation to finish the journaling and allow space for some gentleness.
My Shadow Story was that I was not so lucky, a failure, and that I wasn’t worthy of being a mother. I found myself lamenting on my own lack of relationship with my mother, and although deep down inside I knew it wasn’t true, I sometimes feared that because I was abandoned by her, I was unlovable and I was being denied a baby of my own. I thought there was something wrong with me. In the dark hours of my struggle, i held on to all of the pain and found evidence that i was not enough, that i was a failure and that it was my fault. My fears and pain were loud and I wanted them out of my head. Gifting my shadow beliefs a voice helped me see that although they felt true, there were other truths possible. With a lot of counselling, I was able to recognise the origin of these beliefs and recognise that although my heart hurts deeply sometimes, there is a different truth with my womb grief.
My light, and my learning is that I am enough to be a mother, not having a child does not make me less of a woman, I am worthy of loving my Spirit Babies, nieces and nephews as my own, I can trust that my life still has value, and I can learn to let love flow freely again when i am ready. The message from my guardian for me was, "motherly love is infinite and can continue to flow freely through you".
I stumble, I forget, I trip over my pain at times.
I am not super human and the pain of grief does not get 'fixed' or disappear it only changes shape.
In order to lessen the struggle, I get to choose to not make the pain mean something about me.... and that is my invitation in this exercise.
Read Full Womb Grief Workbook Posts
For further support please contact Adria Ellis for local or online sessions, workshops and retreats.